Miscarriage

When I miscarried at week 12 in my first pregnancy, my husband and I felt like our hearts were torn into million pieces. For me this pain was only topped by the pain of my fathers' death 9 years ago. Maybe this even helped me to deal with it better, because I know life goes on again even if it feels like things can never be good or the same again.

Strange enough it made my hubby and me become even closer then we were before. We tried to believe that this was the best to happen because nature knows what is right and what needs to get "sorted out". I tried to think there was probably something wrong with it. I asked myself if I could have lived my life with a child what wouldn't have been"perfect"? I thought OK, that was Gods decision and he knows what's best. I read somewhere that the soul will come back to you and will be even stronger. I hoped so. Well,I hoped, no that's not right, I KNEW I would have a perfect healthy baby one day, a baby meant to be with us and that I would love it like crazy.

God and my husband ;-) helped me to fall pregnant again only 2 months later. We were extactic. We didn't tell any of our family members until I couldn't hide it any more, as I was starting to show about the 5th month of my pregnancy. I didn't want all the input and advice so I thought the best is to keep it secret as long as possible. All my family members (except  my husband and his relatives) are living in Europe. I flew overseas in the 8th month of my pregnancy to give birth there. Only then did my family in Europe found out that I am pregnant. Seeing me a 'little' bigger than usual. As I told them about the miscarriage, I didn't want them to worry about me being pregnant again and that's why we decided not to tell anybody. It would have also freaked me out if, for example, my mother would have called twice a week to hear if everything is good
and what the doctor said.

I had a perfect pregnancy, my husband joked around that we should keep me always pregnant from now on because I was just glowing, I felt beautiful, (OK, OK, the last month not that much after picking up 28kg in total!). I loved every moment, was never morning sick or so, only sometimes tired. But the thing that made my husband so happy was that I was so full of harmony and love. It was impossible to have an argument with me. The pregnancy hormones were definitely perfect for me and our relationship. Luckily, as I've also heard other scary stories to the contrary.

When I flew overseas at 8 months I only had to have a certificate with me (the airline requires this when you fly that high pregnant) that states that my pregnancy was without complications up to this point and that mother and baby are healthy and fine and baby is not expected to come sooner than normal.

I had an infection during my pregnancy twice, the doc wanted to give me antibiotics the second time (at 7 months) but she also knew that I would do anything to avoid this. So she said: Lots of water, I mean lots, cranberry juice and you are back in 3 days. I drank about 4 litres a day. When she tested my urine 3 days later she was just laughing, she said the test is so good that I probably had spend the whole time drinking the last few days. That was right! I would have done anything to avoid medication in any form. Luckily my doctor was very understanding, she said I reminded her of her sister who also wanted to do everything as natural as possible, also without scans and so on. That's why she always had an understanding smile for me when I explained her what I do not want. By the way I never had any examinations (vaginal) or ultra scan during my pregnancy.(Only one vaginal that I'll tell you later about) I like to do things as natural as possible and make informed decisions. That means I don't only ask my doctor, I dig and scratch everywhere, I Google, I read books and after all this I decided not to make an ultrasound scan, despite of what most people think. In my opinion after everything I read about it, there is no way I would do this. I don't want to go into more detail here, I also don't want to tell you what is right or wrong, but for me this would not be an option. Everybody does what they think are right. For me that's not right. Just Google for yourself and make up your own mind.

My doctor in Cape Town only checked the growth of my baby by touching and pressing my belly from outside and listening to her heartbeat. Like I said before I did not want any interference with my body or even more important with my baby's body. Interestingly enough when I got more or less forced to have an examination in Europe at 38 weeks, my little Christina went mad. She almost 'kicked' the doctors hand out of me. She clearly thought the same and wanted to be left alone. The doctor said he never saw a baby freaking out like that. He also listened to her heartbeat through my belly during examination and her pulse raised up drastically as well. He said she probably feels that I'm tense about it that's why she freaks out. I can only tell you that was the only day in my whole pregnancy where I had terrible pain the whole day thereafter. The doc wanted me to come again once a week from then on. I thought that didn't feel right, my baby also didn't like it, I didn't know her sex yet obviously as I still didn't allow the doctor to make an ultrascan. His explanation was that he must do a vaginal examination to check out if everything is alright. Especially due to the fact that I didn't want a scan. Well I never went back. I thought I made 38 weeks without medical intervention like millions of women for millions of years before me. I never regret my decision. I gave birth to my wonderful Christina by the end of 41 weeks. Totally natural without any medication, epidural or whatsoever and you know what, all of it was worth it.

She's even more of a miracle to us, as she would never have been here with us if I wouldn't have lost my first baby. So never forget, whatever happens in life has its reasons and may just be for something good to happen later as a result. God bless you and your children!

P.S :Please have understanding and forgive me any written mistakes as English is not my first language.