And then you blink...

I was amazed that my sister's daughter had her matrix farewell last week. It feels like yesterday when we rushed to hospital so see her the first time. A time not too distant when she was a toddler and just too cute for words. Not too long ago when she asked me about boys; and then young men... I think in being faced with the reality that next year she will be exactly where I was when she was born just shows how fast it is all over...

This brings me to where I am at the moment. I have always been a stickler for routine and rules, training and structure; but in the last couple of weeks I have felt the need to become more relaxed.

Raising my daughter as a balanced, positive individual is a goal - not a destination. I can not manage her the way I would a project – there are too many variables which can not be controlled. Why not just sit back relax, breath and take things as they come? Enjoy this a little as oppose to worrying about the naps, the food, the fluids the... She is not a car needing a service running on a warranty; she is a person a real individual. She have changing needs – you as a parent need to understand and respect that regardless the age of your child.

Now knowing this what has changed? Well where I was making afternoon naps a nightmare for all involved I relented and she can now come lie in my room where I either work or take a nap with her. The closeness from this shared space has not made her spoilt. She asks if she can come sleep with us at night but after being told that this is not a rest, but a real nap she understands that she takes this one on her own in her bed. If she wakes at night we will no longer force her to go back to her room, but offer her the option of sleeping with us. Since this change she sleeps better, knowing that she is welcome should she need us, but not overplaying this privileged.

I think the most important change is that since we are respecting her space and individual needs she returns the favour. I have always tried to work in options to allow her to make decisions but these were based on my short-listed options. Although I still try and manage problem situations it no longer blows up in a power struggle, but are more civilised encounters.

What did I learn? Time goes by so quickly – your child will not be small forever, before you know it the things your toddler are doing now will be self-corrected, and you will miss the nights when they snuggled in your bed. You will look back at the days when all they wanted to wear was the same pair of Wellies, when they insist on brand names. You will wonder where the girl who wanted to wear only fairy dresses are once she turns grunge or emo...

No child will ever be perfect and the choices we make today will effect the outcome of that person's future – make sure you make time and savour the moments of growing up. It will be a blink of an eye and your baby will be leaving the house to set sail for a life independent you...